September 2007 Newsletter Contents [Newsletter Archive]
Pastor's Article	Vicar's Article
Christian Education	Parish Notes
Portals of Prayer

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PASTOR'S ARTICLE

CONVENTION AFTERTHOUGHTS

Being a delegate to a Synodical Convention carries a considerable responsibility as well as a big liability. As many of you know, I did not seek to be the delegate at this convention, and I was not the delegate; I was the alternate delegate, which is kind of like being first runner-up at the Miss America contest, except that I never wanted to be in the mix at all. Because our elected delegate was unable to go, the alternate, yours truly, became the delegate.

Some observations about what happened are in order. The NASA phrase, "Houston, we have a problem" became descriptive of our convention.

First, our Synod continues to be deeply divided over doctrine and practice. I do not say this lightly. In spite of the show of unity, there are deep divisions. First and foremost is what the Church is and what she is to do. There are those who believe that the only activity of the Church is mission work. On the surface of things this sounds rather good when one considers Matthew 28.19-20, but missions have replaced Justification as the central doctrine of the Christian faith. What it means practically speaking is that many in our Synod no longer want to talk about doctrine, only about evangelizing. But one must ask, "Just what is our message? What are we to preach?" Here's where the weeds of the 1960s have begun to sprout again. Back in those days we were plagued with what was called "Gospel reductionism," that is, reduce the definition of the Gospel to something simple, like John 3.16. Any discussion of the doctrine of Scripture and the Sacraments was deemed irrelevant. It's sprouted again, but not in the old theologically liberal way. This time it comes in the clothing of Pietism.

We need to define Pietism. Pietism is a confusion of Law and Gospel. It is a turning inward to one's feelings for doing anything. Pietism is very much self-centered, as is evidenced by continually using the pronouns "I," "me," and "we" connected with the verb "do." [Some call these three pronouns "the Pietist Trinity"!]. Prayer becomes a kind of Sacrament used to justify every misguided notion that comes around. "We prayed about it," becomes the cover for lots of foolish and unLutheran things. Another symptom of Pietism is contemporary worship. Many of you know that I dislike using the word "contemporary" in this context because all worship is contemporary, that is, it takes place in the present, not the past. A more accurate word would be "popular worship," as in pop culture. Another major facet of Pietism is the rejection of the Office of the Holy Ministry. By referring to the priesthood of all believers, one gets the idea that pastors are no longer needed to do the work of the ministry, which is preaching the Word purely and administering the Sacraments rightly.

No one resolution of the convention underscores the confusion of Law and Gospel more than Resolution 1-05, a relatively short resolution over which much heated debate took place. Its title says much: "To Make Outreach the Top Priority in Worker Training." Most of the debate was over the definite article in the title, "the." The resolution resolved Synod to direct its "universities and seminaries to place outreach to the lost as the top priority as they train workers for the harvest . . ." This is an example of Gospel Reductionism. Doctrine can be laid aside in the interest of causing the Synod to grow in numbers. In other words, the end justifies the means. What is worse, the words of Jesus himself seem to have been forgotten as no Scripture passage was referenced for this resolution! Just what did Jesus say in Matthew 28.19-20?

"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:19-20, ESV) [emphasis mine]

Closely related to this resolution and others was 1-03, which calls for increased emphasis on the Priesthood of All Believers. Keep in mind what was said in our definition of Pietism about its view of the Office of the Holy Ministry! Basically, these Pietists among us want laymen fulfilling pastoral functions so that they can pat themselves on the back for being "mission-minded." "It doesn't matter who does it, just so that it gets done" seems to be their thinking. The matter of the priesthood of all believers is not a major theme in Lutheran theology. [See the fourth column of your Sunday insert for a description of what Christian priests-you!-do!] Luther and the Confessors never advocated a lay ministry! In fact, Augsburg Confession XIV states quite clearly:

It is taught among us that nobody should publicly teach or preach or administer the sacraments in the church without a regular call.¹

At the Wichita convention a number of years back, the Synod adopted a resolution contrary to Augsburg XIV, in which laymen were allowed to exercise the functions and authority of the pastoral office without being fully trained nor ordained. Some dubbed it "The Wichita Amendment to the Augsburg Confession." These Pietists seem to have little or no regard for order in the Church. They think that anybody should be allowed to do this. Currently, they are saying that only men should do this but it is not a long way to go before there could be women in such offices. There are so-called "licensed lay deacons" who preach, consecrate the Sacrament, and everything else a called and ordained pastor does, but without any in-depth seminary education. Basically, certain districts of our Synod have put novices into office without adequate training. They justify it by saying that these are "emergency situations." Really? We have hundreds of pastors who can't get calls.

This leads to another resolution, perhaps one of the biggest ones at the convention, 5-01B. [The letter "B" means that it was revised twice after initial presentation] This resolution's title is, "To Establish Specific Ministry Pastor Program." This resolution is kind of like kissing one's sister because while there was much good in it, there was also much bad. Because of the proliferation of programs around the Synod where certain districts have been putting uncertified and basically untrained laymen into the pastoral office, our two seminaries supported this resolution as a way to get control of theological education in our Synod. It creates a two-tiered system of pastors. There is "general pastor," which is a pastor who has completed the full seminary curriculum of four years, including a year of vicarage under the supervision of a "general pastor." He is one who has earned his M.Div. degree. The new category, designed to get rid of the irregularities in what is now happening and to bring it in line with Augustana XIV is the Specific Ministry Pastor. This man will take courses from the seminary, although some of them may be taken remotely. That means he does not necessarily have to be physically present at the seminary. He will study the "Catechism, hermeneutical principles, God and Christ, work of Christ, the Sacraments, Worship, the Book of Concord, and preaching." He does not study the Biblical languages, Hebrew and Greek, as is required of the full seminary curriculum. He is placed into a specific ministry but may not accept a call to any ministry for which he has not been certified. He must serve under the supervision of the district president and another pastor who may not be a specific ministry pastor. He may not serve as a voting delegate to a Synodical convention but may serve as an advisory delegate to the same, while being able to serve as a voting delegate to a district convention. He may not supervise vicars nor serve as a circuit counselor. Basically, what this resolution does is to bring irregularities into line with our Confessions. These men will receive training from the seminaries and will be ordained. At the same time, however, these men are not fully formed. Yours truly would say of them, "Your education has been sadly neglected." They are, at best, half-formed. It's like kissing your sister.

None of this would have been necessary if our Synod would have enforced our confession of faith according to Augsburg XIV, but because we have a wrong understanding of the Office of the Holy Ministry, we have placed less-qualified men into situations where our confession has been compromised. This resolution is an attempt to fix a portion of the problem. It comes nowhere near righting the ship, but remains only a start. At the least, the seminaries will now have some control over the theological education these men receive. It is better than the status quo but a long way from ideal.

Another troubling area concerns Synodical structure and governance. There has been a constant revising of the by-laws of the Synod over the years with the result that our by-laws are a mess. We had a major institutional conflict between the Board of Directors of the Synod and the Commission on Church and Ministry over who has jurisdiction when it comes to discipline of Synodical officials and other things. Things happened in the aftermath of the Yankee Stadium debacle after 9-11 that remain a festering sore. The solution of many is to draw up a new constitution and by-laws. I am opposed to such a change at this point because it will provide opportunity for all kinds of mischief. One of the things floated in the new by-laws would be assessing every congregation a fee based on communicant membership as a way of solving the budget crisis of Synod. This amounts to a tax, plain and simple. If congregations did not pay the assessment, they could be disciplined or booted out of the Synod. A layman from Iowa who sat next to me finally asked me, "It's all about the money, isn't it?" I had to answer in the affirmative. A new structure is sure to change the polity of our Synod, that is, the way Synod is made up and governed. Large congregations have been lobbying for a few years to get a bigger vote than smaller congregations. Not only that, but we are sure to see a more "top-down" model of governance rather than the congregational polity we have now. It is likely we might look very much like the ELCA which has bishops who have absolute authority and the national body owning local property. I find it hard to believe that this latter thing would ever come to fruition because most congregations which own their own property would resist such a move. However, congregations which have borrowed money from the Lutheran Church Extension Fund might be hard pressed to ward off the takeover of their property.

A resolution to hold a special constitutional convention was presented and was met with very stiff opposition and some very harsh words. Only the last morning of the convention the matter was again brought up and the resolution changed to allow the district presidents, the Board of Directors, the CTCR, Vice President-Finance/Treasurer, the officers of the Synod, and the CCM to call a special convention. For the delegates to approve the calling of a special convention would have required a two-thirds majority, which the committee knew it would not get. Rather, the committee apologized for its strong arm tactics and presented a resolution whereby delegates would be let off the hook. I registered my negative vote for this special convention. Unfortunately, all delegates to a Synodical Convention serve a three year term. That means that I must attend this special convention in 2009. No word yet has been given as to where it will be or how long it will be, except that Phoenix has been mentioned.

Elections were another story with our current president being re-elected but by only a 52% majority. His friends distributed printed election guides and most of his hand-picked candidates were elected. A few candidates that I supported were elected to various positions.

One exception to the flood of poor resolutions came at the very end of the convention, 207A, "To Encourage Christian Forgiveness and Greater Use of Individual Confession and Absolution." Congregations of Synod are encouraged to study private confession and absolution and to make greater use of it in our local congregations. This resolution passed by a 95.7% margin and brought a big smile to the face of this writer! Finally, the last resolution of this convention was good news, good news, indeed! Now, if only we would actually use Private Confession and Absolution, our congregation included!

Our Synod is awash in a Gospel Reductionist Pietism. It is a deadly disease that kills genuine Lutheranism. Just as it did in the 19th century, so it threatens what is left of confessional Lutheranism. In the next few years we will be able to discern if our Synod has remained true to its roots or whether it has exchanged the theology of the cross for the theology of glory. Not having studied history enough, we may be condemned to repeat it.

I pray that it is not so!

Pastor Meyer

P.S. It sure felt good to be home again after that week in Houston! It was a delight to visit with old friends and former vicars, Pastor Brian Heidt and Professor Larry Rast.

¹Tappert, T.G. (2000, c1959). The Book of Concord: The Confessions of the Evangelical Lutheran Church (36). Philadelphia: Fortress Press

VICAR'S ARTICLE

TRANSITIONS

It's become quite clear to me from snooping around the files of vicars gone by that you're used to an introductory Esprit vicar article that gives a small biography and history. The tricky part of writing such an article is that we've introduced ourselves to so many of you already that it's tough to know where to start. In the interest of not short-changing you, I will include all the necessary information so that you know who these two Cornhuskers at your church really are.

Andrea and I are both from the center of Nebraska, from a town called Kearney (population 30,000). I actually grew up in the village of Amherst (population 200) where I went to school from kindergarten until graduating from high school. Andrea lived in Kearney her whole life, but we both have something in common: our parents both went financially broke on the farm and had to find another means of income. This isn't so uncommon in Nebraska, or anywhere for that matter. Aunnee's dad became the head of the automotive department in Kearney (over the course of the years) and her mother went back to college and now works as a media assistant at one of the local middle schools. My dad works for a company that's been dealing in cellular technology long before it was popular. He still (although he's getting a bit old for this) climbs the radio towers and fixes the circuitry and updates the technology. It's a dangerous job, but he's very fit for his age and enjoys working outside. My mom works at the University of Nebraska at Kearney in Residential and Greek life.

In addition to our parents, we have a number of siblings. I have one younger brother who will be a senior at Kearney High this next year. He's involved in one act plays, choir, band, speech and debate, and still manages to keep his grades up and is one of the fastest high school runners in Nebraska. Don't ask me where he gets his energy, because I still haven't figured that out. Andrea is the baby of the family and has an older sister who is an RN in Kansas City. She also has an older brother who used to be a nurse in the Army until going to the seminary a few years ago and is now a pastor in Imperial, Nebraska. Andrea's other brother works at Duncan Aviation, putting wires and other gizmos into airplanes. All of her siblings are married with children.

You may be wondering what brought me to the ministry. Very little about my childhood suggested that I'd ever become a pastor. Although I've been a life long Missouri Synod Lutheran, and although I've been in church every Sunday since birth, I never saw myself as a pastor. Andrea, on the other hand, always wanted to marry a pastor, and I won't act like it wasn't just a little bit of a disappointment when we started getting serious and she thought that the dream was gone. We both went to the University of Nebraska at Kearney (UNK) for three years, and then I had a change of heart.

I decided that I wanted to compete athletically for a better cross country team. I was very serious about my running, and there were many teams in the state of Nebraska that were much more accomplished than UNK (I led them to a last place finish at the RMAC championships in 2002). I ended up transferring to Concordia University (Seward), who were ranked in the top 5 in the nation (NAIA) the previous year for cross country. Andrea stayed at UNK where she would get her degree in Music education a year and a half later (half a year for student teaching).

After two years at Seward, I got a lot more than I bargained for. Sure, I got to experience running properly, enjoying much success at the conference, regional, and national levels, but that all became a side note. Andrea and I were engaged after my first year and I was going to become a pastor! This revelation happened slowly and I struggled against it until the very end. How could this happen? It all boils down to the mandatory Bible studies that all students have to go through. I don't know if Gloria Estefan was right when she said that the rhythm will eventually get you, but the Gospel certainly will.

The rest is history, folks. After two years at the seminary, I realize that being a pastor will be a tremendous responsibility and much more than any individual can handle. I also realize, as my love for the Gospel has grown, that it's the power of the Holy Spirit working through the pastor that accomplishes everything. If I keep that in mind, everything will fall into place. My uncle, who is an LCMS Pastor in Charleston, Illinois (just up the road from here), gave me a valuable piece of advice prior to seminary and again prior to vicarage. He said that if I focus my energies on preaching and teaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and if I'll love the people whom God has appointed me to, all else will work out just fine. I've taken that advice so far in my seminary career, and I've found it to be right on.

My college major was interpersonal communications, which means that I like to consider myself somewhat eloquent (if you catch me on a good day) and very approachable. This degree lends itself to such things as teaching class and delivering sermons (which are my very favorite aspects of ministry). I won't act like I have the ministry figured out, however, and there's so much more than preaching and teaching to be done. However, I haven't the slightest fear (although I have plenty of anxious energy!) of being vicar here at Immanuel. I've learned enough about Pastor Meyer in the last two weeks to know that he is a faithful pastor, a brilliant theologian, and a wonderful man. I feel safe and secure under his watchful eye, and I know that I'm going to be able to focus on serving you this year as we learn and experience new things together!

I believe that some thanks are in order for the warm welcome that Andrea and I've received in the last couple of weeks. It all started when Larry and Chuck came all the way to Fort Wayne to drive the truck for us. I'll admit that I'm a country bumpkin and the idea of driving a truck through Indianapolis had me terrified. When we arrived in Terre Haute, there was such a welcoming committee that we broke the unloading and unpacking record for this vicarage (thanks guys and gals!). Furthermore, we've received many groceries, gift cards, and fresh produce since arriving. These things are some of the best gifts you can give us, and we appreciate everything.

You might, after twenty vicars, chalk all of these niceties down to obligation, but that's far from the truth. Your kindness is above and beyond the call of duty, and for that we are extremely grateful. I pray that we'll come to know each other well this year as we join together to receive the gifts of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

Vicar Heath Trampe

CHRISTIAN EDUCATION

[Note: each month we shall endeavor to include a quote from the Lutheran Confessions about important items.]

2 However, the enumeration of sins should be left free to everybody to do or not as he will. As long as we are in the flesh we shall not be untruthful if we say, "I am a poor man, full of sin. I see in my members another law," etc. (Rom. 7:23). Although private absolution is derived from the office of the keys, it should not be neglected; on the contrary, it should be highly esteemed and valued, like all other functions of the Christian church.²[Smalkald Articles III.VII]

²Tappert, T. G. (2000, c1950). The Book of Concord : The Confessions of the Evangelical Lutheran Church (312). Philadelphia: Fortress Press.

CHRISTIAN EDUCATION
September is the month when we renew our dedication to Christian education. It begins with Rally Day on 02 September. Our Christian Education time moves back to 9:00 AM. We cannot encourage you too much to be present for instruction in the Word of God and to make sure that you have your children in Sunday School and Bible Classes. God holds parents accountable for the Christian education of their children. Are you slacking off? Have you regarded it as of little consequence? My friends, it is not of little consequence. I urge you to consider having your children in Christian Education as perhaps the most important thing you can do for them. After all, we ARE talking about eternal consequences, aren't we?

PARISH NOTES

02 September	Pentecost 14, 10:30 Am		Divine Service
05 September	Wednesday, 7:00 AM		Office of Matins
09 September	Pentecost 15, 10:30 AM		Divine Service
12 September	Wednesday, 7:00 AM		Office of Matins
16 September	Pentecost 16, 10:30 AM		Divine Service
19 September	Wednesday, 7:00 AM		Office of Matins
23 September	Pentecost 17, 10:30 AM		Divine Service
26 September	Wednesday, 7:00 AM		Office of Matins
30 September	Pentecost 18, 10:30 AM		Divine Service

BOARD OF EDUCATION
August 07, 2007
Members present - Gay Meyer, Ruth Acker, Francis Cook, Kelly Bays, Pastor Meyer, Vicar Trampe, Mike Latta, Dorothy Senff, Kris Bilyeu and Chuck Lux. Pastor Meyer opened with devotions.

Vicar Heath Trampe introduced and welcomed to the Board of Education. Minutes from May 08, 2007, B of E meeting approved.

Sunday school - The next session of Sunday School will open Sunday September 2. New addition of Sunday School handbook passed out with thanks to Leslie Bilyeu and all involved in its publication. Year 2 through and including grade one will be combined with teachers Heidi Dougherty and Stacy Mullins. There are no second graders. Grades three and four will be combined with teachers Stacy Gibbens and Kelly Bays. Frank Acker will teach the catechesis class. Grades seven and eight and YPI class taught by Kris Bilyeu and Mike Latta.

Preschool - Pastor will send an inventory to Indiana located Lutheran Churches one at a time until someone expresses their desire for the preschool equipment. There are six names on the list. Whoever gets the equipment will be required to pick it up.

YPI-Kris Bilyeu and Mike Latta gave short talk on the youth trip to the LCMS convention in Orlando, Fl., expressing their positive emotions on the success of our youth and the attitudes at the gathering. Isaiah 40:30 has been adopted by the youth.

VBS - Two papers concerning facts, figures and opinions from Vicar Fiene concerning VBS were passed out.

College Students - Vicar Trampe given names of our five members who graduated from high school this year. They will be invited to attend the college student class Sunday evenings.

Hoi Polloi - A meeting will be held next week to plan for their future activities.

Catechesis - Starts August 25 with 7 - second year and 3 - first year students. Parents meeting will be August 24. There will be no multiple Saturdays off this year so that confirmation can be in April instead of May next year.

Library - Books on catechesis for age 3 and older are available through CPH and we have a copy of the series on hand.

Sunday School Move Up Day begins 9:00am Sunday September 2

Next B of E meeting September 11

Chuck Lux
Deacon Board of Education

OAF BOARD MINUTES AUGUST 8, 2007
Meeting opened at 6:34 with Responsive Prayer II. Pastor, Vicar Trampe. Brad Cress. Kari Cress, Marolyn Lux, Leslie Bilyeu, Kristalena Trexler, and Lucia Trexler attending.

Minutes were read and approved.

It was reported the Vicars in/out went very well. It was very organized and we had lots of help. There were refreshments at move out and a light dinner at move in.

The church picnic on Sept. 23rd will have pop up canopies for shade. It will move inside if it rains. OAF will provide meat and drinks, sides and dessert will be by sign up from members. YPI will host kids games. Lutheran trivia "Are you smarter than a Catechumen" and bingo available for adults. There will be sign up sheets and reservation sheets forthcoming. We will look at oldlutheran.com for prize ideas.

Marolyn will contact Susan Bradford about scheduling a baby shower. She is due Sept. 5th. The shower will be held after the baby is born.

Leslie brought up the idea of a new pictorial directory since we have many new members. The current directory is 4-5 years old. The idea will go before the Council of Deacons for approval. If approved a separate committee will be formed to proceed.

Leslie also mentioned a Holiday Tea, an idea pass along from Bonnie Tate. This could be held on Epiphany Jan. 6th, 2008 or Valentines. The idea is to bring in visitors and friends for food and fellowship. Since it is a civic/charitable event there could be baskets and table displays for outreach fundraising.

Greeters begin again September 23rd.

Next meeting date is September 12th at 6:30

Respectfully submitted,
Brad Cress Deacon-OAF

PROPERTY AND GROUNDS BOARD SUMMARY
14 AUGUST 2007

Completed Activities:
A new bathroom faucet was installed in the Vicarage.
A new entrance door to the vicarage was installed and painted.
New blinds and some painting to the vicarage was accomplished during the Vicar's moves.
P&G Asphalt Co. completed their sealing of the east parking lot.

New Activities:
Striping of the parking lot is scheduled for September.

New Business
Reviewed the Potente Studios recommendations for the redecoration of the Sanctuary for the 150th year anniversary. Potente's recommendations were discussed and clarified. Comments (finance and preserving the historic preservation of the sanctuary) will be forwarded to the Council of Deacons. Also reviewed Potente Studios cost estimate of their recommendations for redecorating the sanctuary. Estimates were determined to be in line with the work to be performed. The Council of Deacons will be discussing these items at their next meeting.

A workday is scheduled for 22 September 07. Various projects are scheduled. Back-up date is 29 Sep 07.

Next Property & Grounds meeting will be 4 September 2007 at 6:30pm.

Jim Senff Deacon - P&G Board

CHURCH PICNIC
The date has been set for Sunday, September 23rd following Divine Service. Sign up on the bulletin inserts and bring a dish to share. The Board of OAF will supply the meat. Tables will be set up in the Vicarage yard and games have been planned for all ages. The picnic will be held inside if it rains. Please plan to stay!

PLEASE HELP!
During the summer months we have experienced quite a financial shortfall, which has kept us from meeting our obligations with regard to missions we have pledged to support. In addition, this shortfall has left us unable to meet other budgeted needs. Please help make up the shortfall! If you have neglected to send in your offerings during the summer, please do so now!

YOUNG PEOPLE OF IMMANUEL
YPI invite you to join us after Divine Service on September 9th for refreshments and a presentation about the National Youth Gathering in Orlando, Florida. The trip was enjoyed by all and the YPI wishes to thank the congregation for their continued support.

Susan G. Komen - Race for the Cure
Oct. 6,2007
The OAF Board is in the process of organizing a team to participate in this years run/walk held on October 6, 2007 at St. Mary-of-the-Woods College. Activities start with a Survivor Breakfast at 8:15am and end with a closing ceremony at noon. The day is filled with many activities. Watch for more information. Please help us raise funds for this great cause!

OUR CHURCH PHONES
Please remember that we have an automated phone system and that getting the system announcement does NOT mean that Pastor or Vicar are not in their studies. Please press the corresponding number for either Pastor or Vicar. If they are in, they will answer. If not, you may leave a voice mail for them.

TABLE TALK

The editor has considered that this segment of each Esprit called "AND SO IT GOES . . ." was not really Lutheran enough! It could be anybody's title. Martin Luther used to sit around the dinner table and talk for hours with his friends about all kinds of topics, some of them merely reflections on what was happening in their society. In Luther's Works, American Edition, this is called "Table Talk," from the German Tischreden, which can be translated as "after dinner talk." In that spirit we have renamed this monthly column.

The news from the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America [ELCA] convention in Chicago in August is every bit as bad as one would expect. In the most visible news story, the ELCA has voted not to discipline same sex unions among their clergy. There are reportedly dozens of homosexual pastors, both male and female, who openly flaunt their homosexuality. The assembly called for "restraint" in dealing with those who live in such same sex relationships. After studying sexuality for eight years[!], the ELCA cannot come to the conclusion that such relationships are forbidden by Holy Scripture. Supposedly, the assembly, by a vote of 538-431, basically said that this church body was unable to do anything about its sexual situation. Our LCMS has expressed official regrets and sorrow that this church body, which calls itself Lutheran, tolerates such apostasy from the Christian faith. It amazes us how any consistent Christian could remain in a church body which openly and knowingly thumbs its nose at Holy Scripture.

SMILES
Some thoughts for the over 50 crowd and how to dress or not dress in this fashion conscious society. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedos and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Short shorts and varicose veins
11. Inline skates and a walker